Grab a cup of coffee, ladies. We need to talk. Because nobody told me menopause was going to be this…weird.
I have always considered myself a good little Christian girl and held onto “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” Romans 8:28 (NKJV). I used it for moments that were a little stressful or a little hard and explained to myself…yes this is hard but it will be okay in a minute so just hang on. But the Lord thought it would be funny to let me walk into this phase of life…Meanopause, or whatever you call it…where sometimes I want to bark at folks or take off a sock and slowly hand it to them mid-conversation in hopes that the awkward gesture will make them stop talking. So, needless to say, I now have to CLINGGGGG to that verse for dear life. Things that used to be minor inconveniences are now…thanks to Meanopause…COLLASAL.
Apparently, my body has installed its own thermostat, and nobody knows where the damn remote is. I can be perfectly comfortable one minute and five seconds later I’m peeling off layers like I’m escaping a burning building.
Then there’s the memory thing.
I walked into the kitchen recently and had absolutely no idea why I was there. I stood there for a minute, hoping my brain would reboot. It did not. So I ate a stack of Oreos, of course, even though…I’M ON A DIET! Grrrrrr!
Anyhoo…I digress.
Moving right along. Sleep? Yeah, sleep is apparently a luxury now. I can fall asleep beautifully at 9/9:30pm, only to wake up at 3:13 a.m. wide awake, sweating, and suddenly concerned about something I said to a cashier in 2017.
And my patience?
Bless it.
It has left the building.
Things that once mildly annoyed me now make me stare dramatically out a window while whispering, “I need some alcohol.”
And as for my waistline, she has apparently decided we are expanding the property.
And lastly, let’s talk about the hair situation.
Remember when we used to complain about having too much hair to wash, dry, and style? Oh, how innocent we were.
Now I’m inspecting my hairbrush like I’m investigating a crime scene. Every strand on that brush feels personal. My ponytail is getting skinnier, my part is getting wider, and my bathroom lighting has officially become my enemy.
I’m over here researching hair products like I’m studying for a medical degree, hoping one of them will convince my hair follicles to get their act together. Also wondering if the hair products are talking to the wrong damn department…cuz this mustache and chin hair is thrivin’. LOL!!!
But you know what?
If this is the season where I sweat, forget why I walked into rooms, lose my patience, and have to negotiate with my own hair…at least I still have Coffee. Coffee has never let me down! LOL! As for my menopausal game plan, I’ll just keep popping all the supplements and applying all the products. What about you?
~Paula
