Category: Who is Paula?

Get after it!

So many things: see the patients, document, turn in that report, submit that referral, submit that blog post, spend time with your spouse, spend time with your family, exercise, eat right, take your medicine, make time to go to the doctor, buy groceries, put up groceries, cook groceries, clean your house, wash/dry/put up your clothes, clean out the litter box, feed the cats, sleep, take a shower, actually shave your legs, cut the grass, pay the bills, hair appointments, brush your teeth, pluck that damn chin hair, clean out your car, wash your car, clean out that closet, get a dress for the thing on Saturday, check on your friends, go to Pilates, cook a casserole for the thing at church, Aunt Edna is coming for supper Thursday night so grab a lasagna to pop in the oven and finally…smile and wave boys, smile and wave!

(This may or may not be an accurate depiction of me some days!😂)

Are you feeling the pinch of that time crunch? Are you struggling to figure it all out? Have you figured out how to make your 32 hour long to-do list fit neatly into the 24 hours you were given? So many days I have to punt tasks to the next day and whisper to myself in that exasperated little voice “you did your best” or “eh, I’ll get to it tomorrow”. But I often wonder, did I? Did I really do my best? Is this all there is to life; harried tasks, frazzled nerves, frizzy graying hair and increasing wrinkles?

Quite some time ago I read an article on a website depicting how Robert Owen, a Welsh Industrialist and social reformer in the 19th century, was credited with the birth of work/life balance, or at least a very rudimentary version of the concept. The article said that he advocated for shorter hours of work, improved living conditions and more nutritionally sound meals each day that would hopefully improve productivity in the mills and factories. Don’t ask me to cite the article because I can’t. I read it some time last year. I can barely remember details from last week much less what specific article I read last year. So you can chalk this up to weird facts that got stuck in my brain. LOL!!!

I would think that modern day work/life balance suggests that to be a healthy, well rounded member of society…and content…we must balance our rest, work and play time as equally as possible. Eight hours for work; eight hours for leisure; eight hours for rest. That sounds amazing doesn’t it??

If it were only that easy!

If I really dissect my day and try to give myself a score: I definitely work for 8 hours because I enjoy getting paid and paying my bills. We also do fairly well getting in our 8 hours of sleep, going to bed and getting up on a set schedule…so yeah, I’m doing okay there as well. But then there are those 8 hours for leisure. Am I getting that? (Typing paused, blank stare ensued that went all the way to outer space and suggested that no one was home, came back to reality–started typing again.) When the typing paused (LOL!) I realized that even when I sat on the back porch in a rocker, I often ruminated on next steps for a case at work, or a project I needed to accomplish at home. Well damn. THAT’s not true leisure! So maybe my leisure time is what I need to work on the most. I definitely get my work and sleep hours in. But leisure? Why is Leisure so difficult? I’d be willing to bet it is a point of struggle for most of us.

(Our lovely red rockers! And btw, do you recognize that mug?!)

I Googled ‘leisure’ and after listing the definition, Google provided some example sentences depicting “free time to do something enjoyable”. Ironically, one of the example sentences used the phrase “writers with enough leisure to practice their art”. I audibly snorted! Point taken. I hear ya Google. I’m obviously a writer with NOT enough ‘leisure’ to practice my art. LOL! I mean, jeeze, have you seen how many blog posts happened in 2018 vs now? Basically crickets. LOL!!!

Anyhoo, as you sip your next few cups of coffee, (because trust me it will take that long) take some time to reflect. How are you doing with your work/life balance? Are you going to bed early enough? Are you using your time wisely at work so you can be done in a reasonable amount of time? Are you being intentional setting up your leisure time? Let me hear from you! Hopefully you scored better than me! ~Paula

Why A 50 Year Old Woman Don’t Give A Damn

Picture, if you will, the next few scenarios I am about to share that, as of late, have become extremely commonplace in my daily walk. Scenarios that I have to laugh about and make light or I might punch someone in the titty one day. I encourage you to continue reading at your leisure but also to turn around NOW if you scare easily. If you’re a lady under 50, I recommend you take notes. If you’re a lady over 50…use this as comfort in knowing that you’re not alone. Hopefully some giggles erupt over some of the crap that is our penance to Aunt Flo for finally getting rid of her for good and WITHOUT being due to a pregnancy. LOL!!!

{Sending out a round of celebratory high fives as we have finally arrived!}

My day began something like this. While walking back to the bedroom this morning to try and remember why I had originally walked to the kitchen, I sneezed unexpectedly and tweaked the back that had JUST started feeling a little better from a lake weekend where we spent two nights in an unfamiliar bed, all while starting to sweat profusely in a room that is clearly 68 degrees, per the thermostat. Sound familiar?

Just the thought of that moment had me shaking my head in disbelief, but it reminded me of the other day while I was talking to my husband about a new hangout spot we had built in our back yard. I was trying to tell him that I wanted a new set of “things” for which I could not think of the English word to save my life. A new sitting spot where the two new “things” would be almost facing each other with a small table in between to put drinks while sharing a delightful conversation or a hearty laugh. Chairs! I wanted a new set of CHAIRS! I could verbalize that I found them on Amazon at a great price, they could be delivered the same week and they were comfy because I had sat in one several times at the salon where my daughter works. But I could NOT think of the word CHAIR! What is wrong with my brain?! I am a writer and the main thing that makes a writer a writer is the use of words! And I couldn’t think of a basic, everyday, mundane word such as CHAIR. LOL! Well, guess what. I’m going to turn this into an infomercial and say “But wait…there’s more!”

If you’re happy and you know it, thank your meds! ~ Quote by Maxine, created by John Wagner and copyright owned by Hallmark Licensing, LLC

All of my friends and family know that I have been a long time fan of Hallmark movies; watched them every Saturday and Sunday morning before the rest of the household woke up since 2018 and occasionally during a week night if we don’t sit outside on our back porch after work. But now, when I sit in the recliner, that magic recliner dust, to which all 50-and-aboves become allergic, kicks in and the Hallmark starts watching me. My how quickly those roles reverse! {smh}

To allow this story more time to unfold, I can say that most of you know I’m a Hospice Social Worker and have been for a lot of years now, which keeps me in my car the majority of the day driving from patient to patient. Once I’m inside the patient’s home, I typically sit some more. Nowadays, if there is more than a 45 minute drive between patients, my left hip, which I now refer to as “my old lady hip”, IS GOING to start doing this thing where it feels inflamed or pinched and the only thing that will make it stop is to stand up and stop stressing it out by sitting on it too long. Is this what my sweet little southern Grandmama who used to drive a tractor to rake hay every summer and fried the BEST fried chicken this side of the Mississippi used to call “the bursitis”?! Did I finally come of age and earn my BURSITIS and is this my BURSITIS ACTING UP?!? Damn. LOL!!!

And for the love of all that is Holy and good, please don’t create a minor inconvenience for me…I will literally blow up inside…internally combust…and even though I have a very experienced, professional-grade poker face and can bite my tongue with the best of them…just don’t. This is to protect your feelings, not mine. Mine can’t be hurt any longer because I don’t have any. (It is currently in question as to whether menopause or all of these years as a social worker stole said feelings. The jury is still out, but what I can tell you though is that they…for certain…ain’t there! LOL!!!) So help me, help you…and just don’t. =)

This would be a good place to also insert “zero tolerance for dumb”. But that could be a whole post to itself, so let me NOT go down that rabbit hole today.

I now cry if the hubby doesn’t snuggle with me before falling asleep…is he mad at me…is he rethinking his choice to marry me…does my breath stink…are my hairy legs grossing him out. Yet, starts sweating the second hubby snuggles; sad to mad in a tenth of a second. Dammmittttt. (To be clear, not mad at him of course…just the stupidity of this whole situation. LOL!)

Seriously.

I know.

I can’t even stand myself some days. LOLOLOL!!!

And finally, we can’t leave out the fact that oftentimes I wake up in the middle of the night with my elbow KILLING ME and fingers and hand hurting; yet my fingers and hand are strangely numb at the same time. All because I chose to sleep on my belly with my elbow bent at too severe of an angle. Heaven forbid you should bend a bendy thing and rest your head on it for a while expecting no consequences other than some comfy sleep, because there are definitely consequences other than comfy sleep. (Insert millionth eye roll in this spot.)

Good times folks! Good times.

So this is me. This is my life now. LOL!!! I don’t even know if my RBF is really RBF anymore. It might need to be changed to RMF. Resting Menopause Face! (Insert sinister giggling in this spot.)

This my friend, is an excellent depiction of “Why a 50 Year Old Woman Don’t Give A Damn”. She is tired, she hates dumb and dumb is everywhere, she is dealing with aches and pains that have comical origins, gets hot for no apparent reason other than her hormones think she should sweat like a man digging ditches by hand in south Florida in the middle of August…RIGHT NOW…not later. Right now. She simply no longer has the energy to filter what comes out of her mouth because of ALL THE THINGS. LOL!!!

Shaking my head as I sit here and sip my coffee and think the next post should be written in honor of all the men who live with us, don’t kill us and never lock us up in the shed for some peace…though they consider it daily! Cuz, man! Truth be told, y’all are the real MVP’s! Coffee cups all over raised to you guys! Right ladies?!?

~paula

Evolution

“Ev-o-lu-tion (noun) – the gradual development of something, especially from a simple to a more complex form”

Note: I originally began writing this post August 3, 2019. The first sentence quotes “it has been months” but has now actually been a few years. The evolution that was already in motion when I constructed that first sentence in August, 2019 is now much more pronounced and complete.

It has been months since I’ve felt the need to write and share and pour over this laptop. My grief journey pushed me to create Coffee with Paula; later, my grief journey, after much work, eased and I found a way to begin living again.

There are significant changes that have happened since my last post in 2018, lets take a moment to get up to speed. Our world experienced a pandemic and went into a cocoon while so very many of our loved ones died by the thousands. I learned to ride a motorcycle, no longer attend the same church, lost my Dad to Covid, divorced and remarried, gained an awesome bonus son with my new marriage and a precious bonus daughter with the marriage of my son, helped manage the care of an aunt with Lewy Body Dementia until she passed and last but not least, learned to enjoy a cigar and trips to the lake. So many changes in just a few short years.

(Photo from 2/23/2020; Lady Priscilla, my persnickety beauty)

(Photo from 7/4/2021; our backyard wedding and celebratory smoke after the vows)

(Our backyard wedding on the 4th of July was a grand celebration; but exactly two months to the day, before my trike riding, Black & Mild smoking, 2nd Amendment supporting, Marine Corps Dad passed from Covid.)

Though many changes; many things are still the same. I’m still a grieving daughter at times. I am still a hospice and home health social worker. I still love my children more than life. I still love spending time with my family over a good meal and laughter, singing, sipping coffee, listening to the waves crash onto a white sanded beach while the breeze tangles my hair, reading and writing. And though the landscape has a new look, I’m still a loving wife.

(Photo from 7/10/2023; our Second Anniversary Trip at the lake)

For a couple of months now, I’ve had Coffee with Paula on my mind and wanted to revisit my old friend, my old companion, my old confidante. I’ve been reminded of the hours spent laughing or crying while reminiscing through the words that flowed into the keyboard. Coffee with Paula was my avenue for change; was also an avenue for change in others going through similar grief journeys. I want to continue being an avenue of change and of help. I commented in “What I See Now” published on October 7, 2018… “I want so badly to help others who grieve silently by grieving out loud through my blog.” With 23 years of hospice and home health social work under my belt, years of knowledge gained through continuing education/work experience and wisdom gained from personal life experience, I would like Coffee with Paula to be a continued avenue for help and for change but with expanded topics. Maybe topics such as life in general and learning to cope with all the “things”. I fully believe in the effective art of journaling and will definitely have things to say about THAT as well while we spend time together over coffee.

But, the pro AND the con of Coffee with Paula’s rebirth: I’m still the same crazy woman who uses humor to cope with life as it flies at me fast some days; so the crazy stories and ill-timed humor will still plague this blog. Ha! Giggling with anticipation at this continued evolution and anxiously wondering where it will take us as I sip yet another cup of coffee this morning. ~paula

I believe…

I have some things that just need to be said out loud for all to hear. No one on this planet has asked my opinion on any of this, but I have taken the liberty to share it because Paula ALWAYS has an opinion; and opinions are for sharing. I think a little outside the box occasionally and that’s okay. If you’re offended, that’s okay as well. If you smile a little while you read, then maybe we think a little bit alike. If you’re snarling by the end, maybe we’re a little different, but that doesn’t mean we can’t still get along and live peacefully on the same planet. Opinions are like butt holes……so the saying goes.

I BELIEVE…

…that most people are good…and so does Luke Bryan.

…judgments rendered by others on who YOU choose to love are irrelevant.

…if someone is using the entrance ramp, you need to get the *bleep* over and be a courteous driver.

…you need to make eye contact and smile at everyone you meet.

…you need to smile at choir members while they sing, even if you don’t like what you’re hearing.

…that if you’re riding in the left lane and not actively passing someone, someone is, or is about to start, cussing at you.

…that babies are always super cute, but are much cuter when they’re quiet and sleeping.

…you should know what relaxes you and that you should do that often.

…family is more important than anything and you should love on them as often and as much as possible because one day you or they won’t be here.

…that every now and then you should just eat a King Size Kit Kat while chugging an ice cold Mountain Dew.

…it’s okay to drink a beer sometimes.

…it’s okay to have a tattoo or twelve.

…a hug can right a lot of things.

…more can be said by sitting quietly with someone while sharing a pot of coffee than a hundred red roses sent with no time shared.

…every person has a talent.

…if you’re too good to fill the toilet paper holder at work, you’ve gotten too big for your britches.

…there was a day when I thought the first drag off of a Marlboro Light was the best.

…the sound of the ocean can drowned out all of the unnecessary clutter in your brain.

…every girl should have a pair of jeans that make her butt look amazing.

…every girl should know what it feels like to have someone tell her her butt looks amazing. If you’re currently acting appalled, you’re lying to yourself.

…every girl should know their perfect shade of red lipstick.

…every person should know what it feels like to have butterflies while remembering a romantic night that went the perfect distance.

…everybody has, at one time or another, had that one person they couldn’t keep off their mind.

…music has the ability to take you anywhere you want to go, back to feelings and moments you thought were lost with time.

…parents need to focus more on their marriage than on their children; when you don’t, it does your children a great disservice.

…kids need to hear the word “no” sometimes; as well as to know what the sting of a good pop on the bottom feels like.

…that when you are married, if one partner wants sexual intimacy, it’s time for sexual intimacy.

…that when both spouses work outside the home, all chores are halfed; there’s two adults living there and both should be pulling equal weight.

…compliments should be given freely.

…compliments should be met with a simple “thank you”; not excuses of what should have been better; compliments given take courage and energy that are expensive enough to not be shortchanged by your struggling self image.

…that if someone wants to spend time with you, they will.

…if you want to spend time with someone, you will.

…handwritten cards are a thousand times better than store bought cards.

…I don’t need flowers from anyone to feel loved; their time means so much more.

…you need to kiss with your eyes open at least once.

…New Year’s Eve is made for kissing.

…some of the best moments in my life involved mud from head to toe, 4-wheelers, ice cold beer and Marlboro Lights.

…concretely that you should treat others the way you want to be treated; unless they are consistently being the south end of a northbound donkey; then they deserve whatever Karma presents. But remember, Karma isn’t from you.

…depression and anxiety, at times, can steal the joys of life from both partners in a relationship, even if only one experiences the two.

…any time you get the opportunity to do something new, you should.

…trips to new places are the best.

…true confidence doesn’t come until your mid to late thirties.

…trying new restaurants has to be one of my top ten favorite things to do with friends.

…you are probably getting tired of reading about what I believe. LOL!!!!

That’s probably enough coffee for tonight. Thank you so much for your time! ~paula

The Journey Begins

It is actually the most stressful thing in the world, deciding the first sentence of the first blog you have ever created in your life. As the pressure mounts, your mind whirls with topics and phrases that are intended to capture your audience and set the stage for future entries. After you’ve driven yourself almost to the point of insanity, it hits you like a sledge hammer, the first sentence shouldn’t be the most important thing. What happens and transpires within you, as you write, is the most important thing.

So, now that the tension has melted and I can simply share, I need you to know that I am so excited to begin this journey. Grief after the loss of my precious mother on January 28, 2018 is what pushed me to the decision to write. Not to mention, I have always loved journaling, I OWN the gift of gab and have ALWAYS loved to say things for the shock value…so here we are.

To let you know a little about me, I’ll share some of the things that I love, enjoy and of which, can’t seem to get enough. I love worshiping Jesus by serving with the praise team at our church. My mama taught me the love of music and singing and I intend to carry out that life until God says it’s enough. My next love is my family; nothing better than time spent with the folks I call mine. My favorite place on this earth and where I can hear “me” best is a good ol’, white sanded beach where the waves crash out every distraction; leaving only thoughts that are my own. I have many other loves, but these are a great beginning and will have to be enough for now.

Maybe there’s more to learn; maybe we can do that together. We’ll take this journey together and maybe, just maybe, it will all be worth it and become a little more clear as we share a…..cup of Coffee with Paula! (See what I did there? Ha!)

I’ll let you know every time there’s a fresh pot!  ~paula

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

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